Say these sentences to your face in a mirror:
If Dane Cook can be in a f*cking Kevin Costner movie, then I can do anything.
If celery can be mostly water but still be food, then I can do anything.
If Jason Lee can name his kid Pilot Inspektor without consequence, then I can do anything.
If I, a mere mortal, am 99.9% genetically identical to Beyoncé, then I can do anything.
If I wake up tomorrow and puppies still exist, then I can do anything.
And then do that weird thing that Matthew McConaughey does where he beats his chest like a caveman, smack yourself in the face and scream, "CLEAR EYES. FULL HEARTS. CAN'T LOSE," and then throw on some lipstick 'cause BITCH, YOU READY.
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