90s Pop Playlist

Yes, my love of 90s music is undying. LET'S JUMP RIGHT INTO IT.

That party I went to for which I made the other 90s playlist was actually a Friends themed party. And so obviously I had to make a pop music playlist (which does, in fact, include the Friends theme song).

So here it is, Aaron Carter & co.

Good job growing up, Hanson Brothers.

Naiiiiiiled it.

Feeling Unmotivated???

Say these sentences to your face in a mirror:


If Dane Cook can be in a f*cking Kevin Costner movie, then I can do anything.

If celery can be mostly water but still be food, then I can do anything.

If Jason Lee can name his kid Pilot Inspektor without consequence, then I can do anything.

If I, a mere mortal, am 99.9% genetically identical to Beyoncé, then I can do anything.

If I wake up tomorrow and puppies still exist, then I can do anything.


And then do that weird thing that Matthew McConaughey does where he beats his chest like a caveman, smack yourself in the face and scream, "CLEAR EYES. FULL HEARTS. CAN'T LOSE," and then throw on some lipstick 'cause BITCH, YOU READY.

Dear Guy Who Bought Me An Amaretto Sour

Yay!! Free alcohol! Thanks, Guy. Very convenient, since I just ran out of money. I don't know why I look like a woman who wants a more expensive, less fun version of sangria - but I'll take it.

I'm sorry we laughed at your friend when he said he was "an investment banker, you know, for the money – but my true passion is charcoal drawings."

It's just that, you know, are you for real? Oh god, I'm so sorry, I did not realize we were in a Hugh Grant movie, I must not have gotten the script - if you see one lying around, let me know. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is maybe the only person who could get away with that sentence. Maybe. Or Swayze in 1987, but that's it. End of list.

I literally just googled "charcoal drawings" and a charcoal drawing of JGL was the third photo, so I think my point stands pretty firmly on its own.

So thoughtful. So sensitive. Men in overalls 2Kforever

Also, I'm sorry that we didn't believe that you were in the "Royal Marines." It's just that I don't know what that is, and you're like 3 inches taller than me. And you tried to explain that the Royal Marines was the British equivalent of the Navy SEALs, but I'm pretty sure you just don't understand what the Navy SEALs are. Like, if this were true, you definitely wouldn't be in some Camden dive bar that used to be horse stables wearing a tweed suit and buying Amaretto Sours for every American Lady you see. I dunno, but you'd probs be in some top secret base camp drowning your friends and then trying to revive them as a trust exercise because that's the kind of crazy shit the Navy SEALs do. You're having a hard time selling your case, bro. 

I should have just asked you to do 500 pushups.  :(

But, as always, thanks for the free, not-poisoned alcohol. See ya never, Bar Guy.